It's been such a rough last few days. I have been down, sad, anxiety ridden, tired, and just plain miserable. Not what you want to be feeling, by any means. I've got to get myself back to a routine. It's the best way for me to function. This staying up till who knows when, and getting up a couple hours before noon has got to stop. I don't even like those hours! I'd much rather go to bed at a decent hour each night and get up at 7am. I'd like to get back to walking in the morning, and am actually looking at starting the Couch to 10K Running plan as well. It's a 13 week program that takes you from sitting on your couch watching tv, to running your first 10K! My Mom has decided it would be fun to do a 5K Mud Run. Yes, mud. Yes, run. That sounds like fun to her. Getting wet and dirty while trying to RUN a race through obstacles and MUD!! There is one in November, but that is just way too early for us. So we'll be looking to do our first one in the Spring sometime. I've been wanting to run, so this will be a good motivator for me. Really, 10K is only 6 miles so it's not like it's this horrendous length that is unreachable. However I may feel differently once I start this program! lol
I was searching the Sponsored Runs here in San Diego to see what was listed for next year and came across this Americas Finest City Half Marathon in August. It starts at the Cabrillo Monument which is a beautiful area and the view is breathtaking. It goes down through downtown San Diego, along Harbor Drive to the Star of India, and ends in Balboa Park. Really, it couldn't be a more beautiful route! Only problem, is that there is a time restriction. It has to be finished in 3 hours! 13 miles in 3 hours! It breaks down to 13 minutes 45 seconds per mile. I may be able to keep it up for a while, but I'm pretty certain I couldn't keep it up for 13 whole miles! I would like to train to do a half marathon sometime late next year, but I'm gonna have to have one with no time restriction or at least a longer time span! We will start off early in the year with 5K's, and move on from there. Can I picture me a runner? lol No. But I have always wanted to run....so maybe that want will lead me to becoming one. We'll see.
My Mom and I were looking at joining a gym. We were going to join the YMCA as they have a nice gym, and pools. The pools are good for Larr with his back, plus he's a fish anyways. While we were out doing our usual Saturday shopping, we got to talking about the gym next to my church, and I knew they give a discount to church members...so we went for a tour of Bally's. I was a member there probably 10 years ago. We got to see all that they offer, and I got excited when I saw all the punching bags, and kick-boxing gear! I asked about the church discount and that's when it all got better. =) My Mom and I can BOTH go for the same price it would've cost her to join the YMCA by herself! Plus, they wave the down payment for us! So for $21.99 a month I can go and get my workout, plus it's right next door to my church!! So I think my Mom and I are probably going to do that. We have an appt. to go back next weekend. I was going to look at joining the YMCA with Larr so that he could use their pools, but Bally's has a pool, jacuzzi, and sauna, and it'd be cheaper to just have him join as well. We could go to the gym early, and hit the evening service at church no problem. I'm excited. Kickboxing, and Kicks & Strikes...here I come!!!
I'm finally going to take the BIG step. Or in my opinion...the big plunge into hell. I'm going to call and find a doctor on Monday. I just cannot take this any longer. I feel like I'm losing more and more of myself everyday. Yes, I'm scared. No, terrified really. I hate the idea of having to go through this ALL over again. All of my symptoms, all the craziness. I'm just going to believe that God will give me the right doctor the first time around. I feel that if I don't do something soon...something bad could happen and I definitely don't want that. Nor do I want to end up in a hospital. So, even though I know the medication process is going to suck, I know that I've got to at least try it. It's been such a long time that I know they will have new meds that I've not gone through yet, so that is good. It's got to be better than some of the meds I've gone through! Definitely not looking forward to all the side effects either (but they can't be any worse than what I've experienced in the past!). Maybe if I keep telling myself that it'll all be okay...I'll finally start to believe it. While part of me is terrified, there is a part of me that is excited. I'm excited about what could be. I feel as if I'll be starting a new journey in my life with all that's happened this year, and all that I've been through...I need a new start. I feel like I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and there's a rainbow glistening as well.
Part of me feels sad about the people that won't be along for this journey with me. I can't help but every once in a while miss what used to be, but it is what it is and the people that are in my life now are supposed to be here and I'm open for all that God has in store for me. My trust and my faith lie in Gods hands and I know that it's all going to work out as He has planned.